Patience...

I'm passionate, driven, goal-oriented and usually quite motivated.

I am also extremely impatient which tends to negate my above listed qualities. Why? Because I want success immediately. Life is too short to sit around and wait for your dreams to come true or take a big leap toward what you want in life. This is usually my life philosophy when it comes to boys, but right now I have put dating on the back burner and I'm focusing on my fitness. So this impatience is translating in to my frustration that I'm not looking the way I want to look. Yet.

After my WW expedition I weighed 150lb, a super skinny size for me and I was healthy, or so I thought. Right now I'm more at the 170lb weight and though I've got more muscle than I ever have, I'm not happy with the way that I look or what the scale tells me.

I KNOW, I KNOW, DO NOT look at the scale, I get it CrossFit, but I'm a girl and I do that. Since I started February Paleo I have lost 8lb in 10 days, but it's not enough for me. I'm still not fitting in to my Size 6 jeans and my thighs are still way too big for my liking. Khaki told me yesterday my face looks thinner, Meghan told me last week I'm thinning out on the sides and I have knocked down two notches on my belt in 10 days, but dammit I want more!

Every day is a battle to remember that it is going to be a slow process to get to my fitness peak, finally realize that I'm going to be a curvy girl and that's okay. I just don't want a Muffin Top anymore, is that so hard?

So I need someone to please talk to me, calm me down that although the results aren't immediately there, the results are coming slowly but surely.

Please tell me one day I'm going to be fit and sexy. Please?

The Right Foot Forward

They say when you're working toward a healthy lifestyle you need to give yourself everything you need to succeed. That usually means buying the correct foods to eat - which I have been doing - but today I treated myself to two new pairs of shoes to help me become a better athlete. Or at least help me look the part.

When I was in high school I ran Cross Country for one year before I moved to New Jersey. It sucked and I sucked, but I did it and I actually got to the point that I could run for more than 45 minutes on hills and terrain without stopping. (Not too bad for a couch potato with a career record of 15 years being idle.) However, I was always brought down by an incessant obstacle: my feet would become numb when I was running. That similar feeling when you cut off the circulation and your feet "fall asleep."

My entire running career revolved around my feet falling asleep at about the second mile in to the workout. It affected every time I tried to run for distance because it was either uncomfortable or I'd have to take my shoes off to let my feet "breathe" and return to normal. In short, it was a pain in the ass.

Finally, FINALLY, I went today to get a new pair of running shoes and a pair of shoes for CrossFit (they're Inov8's and they're amazing). I felt silly explaining to "Megan - The Sales Girl" that my feet fall asleep and thankfully she understood what I was saying and had a solution: I had wide feet and my shoes weren't fitting correctly.

After trying on a few pairs I found my favorite: they feel like I'm walking on Fluffernutter. They're light weight, comfortable and the best part is they don't feel tight. Hallelujah!

Tomorrow is the first tryout for the shoes so wish them luck. I've always wanted to say "I'm a runner" and really mean it. Perhaps buying myself a new pair of kicks will be the gateway to reaching my second fitness goal of running a half-marathon in the next year or so.

To Be Continued...

The Positive and The Negative

I have zero self control. I hit the snooze button so many times that I do it in my sleep and I wake up two hours after my alarm went off. I sit around and watch TV until the last possible minute to get to the gym for a run or a WOD. I will sit on dirty laundry for a week and then spend an entire day doing two week's worth of laundry. If it's not a pressing matter apparently I just don't do it.

And the self control holds true when it comes to my social life.

Perhaps I should be more specific and clarify that in the last seven days of my challenge I was in two separate social situations to eat bad food and drink beer. I avoided both, stood my ground and proved a point to myself and other people that I can do it. I felt proud, I felt like I was in control and I felt like I could do it.

However I was brought down by a close friend because of peer pressure. I went to her Super Bowl party and I was sticking to my plan of not eating carbs and not drinking beer. I ate the sandwiches sans bread, I had someone prepare pigs in a blanket sans blankets and I played beer pong with water.

But then my friend started Flip Cup. She was resilient that I play with water. She teased me, she said we only live once, she said it could be my one cheat day for the month, she said everything that eventually brought me down. And I did it. I drank beer. I played Flip Cup. Granted I kicked ass at it and showed everyone up, but I did the ONE thing I did not want to do. Drink Beer. I could have had tequila and been okay. I could have had some carbs and been fine. But I drank beer.

I know I can't let this kill my spirit nor should it make me feel guilty because that's not what challenges and Paleo are all about. We all make mistakes and the important part is to transition back to the good side and start over again. Remember your mistakes and use them to make you stronger.

It's time to remember my positive friends and my positive influences. This weekend I saw hundreds of like-minded competitors who every day fight the good fight against carbs, booze and being idle. We all get up and we are good to our bodies, we constantly push the envelope and we do it because we love it.

The Day of Rest

Not to sound like a big ol' baby, but my legs hurt, my arms hurt and I am tuckered out from this week's workouts. I don't know why I am so exhausted, but after three days of WODs and one epic run I am happy to say I am taking the day off.

Well, not really...

I realized I needed to take a day off of WODing when I was running on the treadmill and my shins felt like they were about to split open. I ran a mile and switched over to the ultra feminine and non-challenging elliptical machine and the pain didn't stop but became manageable. I moved back over to the treadmill and only made it a quarter mile before I wanted to cry "Uncle!"

When I returned home I took a bit of a breather, stalked on Facebook and decided it was gametime to head over to CFPT for a fun-filled 10 minutes of burpees and KB Swings. I debated the idea for a little bit then decided to give my 11 burpees (100 Burpee Challenge) a shot and see how I felt. At Burpee #6 I would have punched my future first born child to not have to do 7 through 11. It was at this point that I decided... Maybe I'll take a day off?

Join me tomorrow as I attempt my first noon WOD in months and head off to watch my personal SuperHeroes in the Team Challenge of the Garage Games conquer feats I will never ever attempt.

Khaki Was Right

I wasn't a super hero today and that's okay. Not every WOD is going to be the WOD when I Rx and get a new PR or any other abbreviated term you can think of in the gym. Sometimes I have to face the trickier movements and settle for doing them correctly with little to no weight than doing them wrong with a lot of weight. I'm not impressing anybody by doing that especially if Ray is running around the gym.

Squats have always been my weakness despite having an awesome set of legs. Whenever those squat WOD's pop up I know it's going to be a disastrous and frustrating day. I'll be doing OHS with a 25lb bar or I'll have to set a ball on the ground to make sure I get low enough on the wall balls. Today I had to go down in weight from 65lb to the 35lb bar on my squat cleans because I wasn't doing them right.

I remembered what Khaki told me yesterday and I thought about the blog posting on CFPT today and I said to myself, "Do It Right." So I did. It may have been a low weight, but I started doing them correctly and I figured out the proper movement with the bar.

It wasn't a victory on the white board, but it certainly was one for a life lesson.

For a little bit of encouragement and praise I will say that I kicked butt on the pull-ups because I didn't have to take a break in between them at all or get back on the box to re-position. I busted them out like I've been doing them my entire life. The callouses are coming along nicely, too.

It's Magically Delicious

When I inform non-Crossfit people that I've made the decision to eat Paleo they definitely have a look of shock and appall on their faces. Sometimes it's mixed with confusion and I have to explain the whole diet to them. (I normally lose their interest after "no booze or Diet Coke.") To be honest the idea of just meat and veggies is quite unappealing and especially limiting. How often can you eat plain ol' chicken and green beans? There's a reason evolution happened and the advancement of the culinary industry. And it has nothing to do with Pork: The Other White Meat.

However once you allow yourself to look around the farmer's market and you talk to fellow Paleo-gluttons you'll learn that it can be quite delicious and sometimes creative.

To prove my point here is my menu for this week that is both delicious and "I'm getting abs if it kills me" Paleo-friendly.

Breakfast

Bacon and Eggs

Snack

Baba Ghanoush and fresh veggies

Lunch

Pot Roast and Veggies with a salad

Snack

Protein Shake

Dinner

Spaghetti Squash with Spicy Red Sauce and a spinach salad

Dessert

Knowing that I'm getting healthy

The Frenemy

Today I was my own worst enemy at the gym and double unders were definitely The Frenemy of the night. Two vehement enemies that I hope do not cross my path again soon.

I had confidence that I was going to show those double unders who was boss and walk away with a 10 minute amrap during today's WOD. Boy was I wrong... I don't even know what time I ended exactly, but I know it was in the middle-to-high teens because I wanted to quit when I saw the clock at 14:44. Some people had already cleaned up their station and left when I entered on to my last round. Nothing gets you motivated but also deflates your confidence when people are drinking their protein shake and staring at you while you finish.

One thing I need to remember about CrossFit is that I'm not working out against anyone or anything, only myself and the goal I set entering in to the workout. All of this came right back to me when Khaki saw how upset I was and wanted to make sure I was okay. She reminded me that I'm still a CrossFit newbie and I am not going to defeat everything this early in the game. I need to stop focusing on the clock, just focus on busting my ass and getting through it, even if it takes 30 minutes to do. I'm not in a real competition so there's no reason to treat it like a race.

And most of all she reminded me that I Rx'd it. I didn't go easy on myself, I didn't take the easy way out, I didn't cheat. I have an Rx next to my name on the white board for everyone to see.

Though my Frenemy got the best of me today by taking down my spirits and kicking my butt in the workout, I know the next time it rears its ugly face I'm going to be there to tell it to suck it. If it takes me one minute for each double under I am going to do it with a great big smile on my face. As for my own worst enemy? She's grounded and won't return until I tell her she can come back out and wreak havoc again, which probably won't ever happen.

Note -- I ate all Paleo today and went for a run in the rain.